The Disney's Hercules TV series featured an outstanding musical score featuring songs from every pop musical genre possible.They were spectacularly well done for a kid's television show, but never really got the attention they deserved. It's an especial shame that You're My Hero and The Man That I Love have never made it to Radio Disney- they're truly excellent top 40 songs in their own right. At any rate, here are the lyrics to some songs- more will be added as time goes by.


A Different Kind of Hero

from.....Hercules and The World's First Doctor

When the great Hippocrates comes to town {in Hercules and The World's First Doctor}on Career Day, Hercules gets a taste of the healing arts, and thinks that maybe.....just maybe.......there's more than one way to save lives....by healing the sick.The Muses chime in with this catchy l'il tune as Herc and best pal Icarus take up interning duties with The Father of Medicine.

Used to be when you got sick

You'd shrivel up and die real quick!

There was'nt much anyone could do !!!

You had to leave your tonsils in

{And stay close by your Siamese twin!!}

But now those dark and dismal days are through!

Because a different kind of hero

Has just rolled into town!!

For tending breaks and belly aches

He's good to have around!

Now Hercules is starry eyed

He thinks he'd like to be

A different kind of Hero

Just like Doctor..... Hippocrates!!


from...Hercules and the Long Nightmare

When poor Herc is plagued with sleepless, nightmare filled nights Phil does his best to soothe his student with a beautiful soft relaxing lullaby meant to send him off to Morpheus with sweet dreams..........well...that's the idea, anyway. "Why don't you just hit him with a rock??" asks Hermes {and he's right!!!!!}


What's a Mother To Do???

from...... Hercules and The Parent's Weekend

Kathie Lee Gifford {aka Echidna}was best known for her sidekick duties on the Regis Philbin Show and her trademark goody-two-shoes personality. She was famous for prattling on and on about her wonderful kids on TV all the time .... so how perfect is it to cast her as Echidna, the Mother Of All Monsters???? Her song, in a catchy tango beat, complains about the terribly disappointing brood she's hatched and is performed while she prepares to cook up the respective parents of Adonis, Herc and Cassandra in a nice "stinkpot stew".....

I would'nt kid ya!!! It's not easy being Echidna!!!

The Mother of all Monsters

Is the toughest job to do!!!!!

{Oy!!! You have no idea!!!!}

You try to teach them wrong from right,

The "proper" way to drool!!!

You give the best years of your life ......

And hope they turn out cruel!!!

If they don't make their suppers squeal!!

By filing their fangs for every meal

It makes my black heart blue

What's a Mother to do??

They eat in such a hurry

As if torture was a task

Just write to me sometimes I'm a mother {I worry!!! }

Is that too much to ask???

From time to time they lose their heads!!

Forget to rip a town to shreds

And break all bones in two--ooooo

What's a mother to do???

Why can't they stomp...and chomp like a monster should????

Instead of ripping...... "merrily through the woods"............. {it's Embarrassing!!!!!}

They don't like "grrrring" when they're stirring up

The Greeks in a stinkpot stew------

When will they get a clue??

Oy vey!! I'm asking you!!

What's a Mother to do?!!!?????


Lethe Water on the Brain!

from........ Hercules and The Pool Party

Cosmic Plot Takeover Plan 1,765.... Hades gets inspired to throw a pool party so that all the gods take a dip in his Lethe Water Pool of Forgetfullness...thus erasing everyone's memory and now no one can remember what they're good for. Badda Bing!!!! The entire Hellenic world is shot to Hades {if you'll excuse the expression } while the Muses perform the snappy little techno rock dance number Lethe Water On The Brain.

The world's going crazy

While the gods are out to lunch!!

There's no one in control now

Great Zeus is in a crunch!!

The party's on the rocks now

That Bacchus does'nt show

Since Demeter's gone bananas

In the summer we get snow!!

Since the gods went swimming

{Their wits went down the drain!!}

Why don't they remember Lethe Water on the Brain???

Fish ain't busy bitin',

'Cause Poseidon's all washed up!!!

And no one feels like fightin' {now that Ares lost his stuff !!}

Everything's in Chaos!!

Athena's gone astray!!!

Mighty Zeus is low on juice

And he can't save the day!!!

Can Tri-via stop Hades??

Before we go insane??


Why can't they remember Lethe Water on the Brain?!!!????


Since The Light Went Away

from..... Hercules and The Apollo Mission

When Herc gets a turn at driving Apollo's chariot things go slightly wrong....ok, ok, they go Really wrong, 'cause Hades gets wind of the gig and manages to steal the sun from Our Hero and hide it in the Underworld. All of Greece is left with no light and no heat, and chaos sets in as barbarians invade the darkness. The Muses explain it all in a brief jazzy interlude as Herc and Icarus desparately ponder how they're going to return the sun to it's rightful place...while Athens falls into ruins.

Since the light went away

It's like night every day!!

All of Athens is dazed and confused

The crops and flowers won't grow

And the rooster can't crow

And Phil's got the How-am-I-supposed-to-read-the-news-blues!??!!

Pillagers storm the Agora!!!

Villagers stand there and screech!!

They're robbing them blind

Whole world's in a bind!!!

Everybody was miserable!!

{Well...not Everybody........}


Promethean Ditty

from ......Hercules and The Prometheus Affair

Oh yes......the Prometheus Academy has it's own school song dedicated to it's founding Father, the kindly Titan Prometheus. Written and performed by the illustrious Eric Idle of Monty Python fame who voiced the daffy {and slightly over-talkative} guidance counselor Mr. Parenthesis, the song tells the myth of Prometheuse's punishment after he gave humanity the precious gift of fire. After hearing the song {and learning of the sad plight of Prometheus} young Herc dashes out to rescue the luckless Titan, unaware that his very own father decreed the punishment in the first place.....

Prometheus! The Most Enlightened-

Was the brightest of the Titans

Saw us stumbling in the night--

Decided that we needed Light!

Incurred the god's revengeful ire-

By stealing their great secret Fire

Up to Heaven one fine day-

Lit a torch from the Sun and ran away!

He gave this gift so me and you -

Could enjoy a summer barbecue

So food is not a dreadful bore-

We'd eat it cooked instead of raw!

He gave us Fire which did inspire-

Us all to seek for something higher

We learned to read and write and speak-

In poetry and books and Greek!

To build the City -

Found the State-To calculate and cogitate-

Invent philosophy and mirth-

Explore both corners of the Earth!

To pluck the harp and twang the lyre-

And found the world's first Grecian choir

Map out the heavens-study math-

Come home and have a nice hot bath!

Our forefathers were overjoyed -

The gods were fearsomely annoyed

Guess what they then went and did-

To this prominent Promethean kid?

The punishment was grim and dire- -

For stealing this great gift of fire-

They chained him to a rock -Absurd!!

Pecked at by a giant bird!

Henpecked for all Eternity-Prometheus alone

Nailed to a rock for all to see-

He is no "rolling stone"

How could this kindly Titan Giver-

Live without his precious liver?

Every night- despite the pain-

His liver would grow back again!

And every dawn of every morn

That eagle would return to pluck

His organ out and eat it up-

Oh Yuck o Yuck! What rotten luck!

Hail this noble Titan loner-he's the world's first Liver Donor!!!!!


Spartan Anthem

from Hercules..... and The Spartan Adventure

In the Spartan Experiance bootcamp privates Herc, Adonis and a crew-cutted Icky {eesh!!} burst into their Army song We Are The Mighty Fighting Men Of Sparta so as to to lure the vengeful wind god Bereas into a trap, and we actually get to hear Tate Donovan vocalize. How's he sound?? Well...... he's no Micheal Bolton.........{wait.......that's a good thing.........}

We are the mighty fighting men of Sparta-

And we fly our flag with pride!

We're members of a corps

That loves to go to war

And crush crush crush the other side!!!!

Let's have a hearty hip hurray for Ares!!

The fearless founding father of our foe

We'll follow him do or die

'Cause he's- one heck of a guy

Benevolent- brave and bold!!!!

Long ago~ when Sparta was untamed

Awesome Ares pursued a dream

He moved the mountain range

Plowed down the purple plains

And straightened out the wild and wandering stream!!

When bad Bereas blew onto the scene-

Our leader knew what must be done

He spun the winding spin

That broke the brutal wind

And kicked Bereas squarely in the the bum!!!!


The Kronos Stone!!!

Pain and Panic get a crazy little rock-and-roll tune to perform when they dig up the mystical "Kronos Stone" and explain it's coma producing potential to The Boss.

Back when Kronos was King of the Universe!!!

He hocked up a rock- and gave it a curse!!!

And now any god that gives it a peek

Drifts into a permanent beauty sleep!!

Yeah, they slip away into the "Great Unknown"

When they slip a little peeky at the Kronos Stone!!

No need to count no sheepy

{With the Kronos Stone!!!}

Do ya feel a little freaky???

With the Kronos Stone!!!

Are ya knees a little weaky???

With the Kronos Stone!!!????


One Good Man

from...Hercules and The Song of Circe

In 1938 the height of romantic Disney longing was Snow White leaning over a wishing well warbling Someday My Prince Will Come. Well.....it ain't 1938 no more! One Good Man has Circe the island enchantress wooing her male adorers with a sexy swinging bluesy burlesque ballad that dares them to show her they've got the right stuff....and the whole gang almost break their collective necks showing off for the chance to visit her "Floating Island of Love."

I've been so lonely lately

Feelin' down and so low........

Bored stiff with how I'm living

My love life's movin' too slow.......

But two strong hands can hold me...and bring me up to speed.....

One Good Man...........is all that I need!!

So come a little closer- there's no need be shy

Just show me what yer made of

{You might be MY kinda guy!!}

Someone whose squeeze could please me-

Could apply a lil "TLC...."

One Good Man-is all that I need!!!

The smoothest- the smartest -the best of broodin' artists

The handsomest hero hunk

The moment I choose -the rest of you lose

Now Show me a little Spunk........Chump!!

My search could end with 10 boy friends...... but I don't go for GREED

Somebody gimme a miracle now

One Good Man.......is all that I need!

 


Dueling Deities

In the Secret Weapon the Muses introduce the god's long-running feud with a clever parody of a 60's TV sitcom theme pitting Ares against Athena.

She's smart as a whip!!

He's tough as a Titan

On a rivalry trip

Always fussin' and fightin'

From the time they were toddlin' waddlin' gods

These quibbling siblings were always at odds

They're Dueling Dei-ties....Dueling Dei-ties

She's all over Athens- he's bigger in Sparta

He's tougher and stronger

{She's wiser and smarter!!}

They're Due-ling Deities..... Dueling Dei-ties-

Shaking down the family tree-

He's Ares- she's Athena ......they're Due-ling....Deities!

 


The Man With The Golden Touch

James Bond gets a nod and a wink here as Herc goes undercover to infiltrate King Midas'es casino and stop his insane plans for world takeover by turning everything to gold....and the Muses open up this ep with a perfect 007 theme song parody.

Beware of the man....with the Golden Touch!!!

He lusted for gold...a little too much!!!

His wish was faithfully granted ...for helping a god in need.......

But Fate was too heavy handed...... which made him the King of Greed!!!

Steer fearfully clear from his spider's clutch...... Beware of the man.....with The Golden Touch!!!


Icarus'es Theme

Icarus'es little superhero theme song parody in Hero of Athens is a short little ditty- only a few lines long- but illustrates a great collection of fantasy scenes from the bizarre imagination of someone .....definately not "Joe Normal!!"

Who soars like an eagle in flight????

I-car-us!!

Who fights for the right with his mi-ght???

Who thwarts every threat .....without breaking a sweat?

And looks pretty good in his tights??

Icarus!! Icarus! Ic-ar-us!!!!


Love Is In The Air

from..... Hercules and The Comedy of Arrows

In Comedy Of Arrows a heartbroken Icarus makes up for his "loathe arrow" mischief by helping to spread love back into the population while singing a duet with the Muses... and he's got a Nice voice for someone who does'nt shave yet!!!

 

"Love is in the air, Baby!!!!"

Tie.............. your diapers on tight!! Time to take flight!!

Make your aim true to the mark!!!

Out........from out of the blue.....

Cupid's love crew- is taking it straight to the heart!

We're on our way-to right what's wrong- just when you least expect it

Love......... Is In The Air!!!

Changing the world .........bringing us closer together

People everywhere -are showing they care-

All because Love......... Is In The Air!!!

Look whose spreading the news!!! No one can refuse

Making love blossom and grow

Sharing these arrow's delights -setting my sites

Gotta let Everyone know.......?

{Spoken}"Oh....MAN!!!!"............................"

"Now young Icarus- has to choose .....so much to gain....... so Much to lose- His concious is tied in a gnarly knot- has he got the guts .............to take the shot?????"

"Herya go.........and this time it's All of em!!!!"

Love is in the air- Changing the world........ bringing us closer together

People everywhere -are showing they care

All because Love.... Is ....In.... The...... Air!!!

Ha Ha Ha !!!!


Born To Dance

from...... Hercules and The Muse Of Dance

When Hercules reluctantly lands the starring role in the school dance recital he's terrified of making a fool of himself until Terpsichore steps in with her fellow Muses and teaches him a thing or two about moving to the beat.

 


 

My Town

from Hercules And The River Styxx

James Wood's considerable talents lie in acting, not singing, and he himself described his vocal debut as..... "the Challenger Shuttle moment in the history of Disney animation". You're not quite that bad Mr. Woods......my vote would go to Pearl Baily singing "When Yer The Best of Friends" in The Fox and the Hound. {I'd gnaw off my own paw to get away from ever hearing that again, sweet as the movie is.} "My Town" is a great li'l parody number on Frank Sinatra's "New York, New York" as Hades drags the reluctant Muses through a tour of his newly doomed metropolis.

Old Flametop is honin'.............

A plan, for re-zonin'........

And takin' his show on the road...........

Just look at him gloating ..........while busily boating

{That ego must be quite a load!!!!}

C'omon Ladies!! Sing Along with Hades!!!

Let me- show you-girls around in....My Town!!!

{New Hades!!!!}

Sure beats living .......underground in........ My Town!!

{Whoa Whoa Whoa!!!!}

I got a penthouse on Spark Avenue

I'd like you to see

Museums and parks -and works of art -all...... HEY!!

All dedicated to Me!

We'll shop and Doom and Gloomingdale's in..... My Town

We'll dine tonight in toga and tails in ......yeah -MyTown

I'm the host -who loves to toast- another job well done-

In My town........Ha!!! I'm Number One!!!!!

{Not in my book you ain't!!!! }

Hey!! I'm Honored!! I'm Mayor!!!! I'm Chief of Police!!!!... in My Town!!!

The hottest spot in all of Greece .....is my town

The Parthanon {that crowning jewel} could use my flair for urban renewel-

What !!?!?

I'm just kidding-I would'nt change a thing....NOT!!!!!

Heya gotta love it, doncha? keys are with the valet .....thankyou very much!!!


He's Pericles of Athens!!

The late Robert Stack is another one of those actors for whom singing was at the bottom of the list......but we think he did a very good job in The Assassin where he praises the great Athenian leader Pericles in an amusing duet with Thalia the Muse.


Herc's Song

from ..............Hercules and The Prom

Music soothes the savage beast.....and in The Prom famed singer Orpheus saves the day by distracting a would be underworld minion from destroying the school with a gentle rock ballad praising Our Hero {in sorta vaguely discouraging terms, actually.......} but the monster is happy, the Prom is a success, {even Hades boogies down briefly} and Icarus scores one of his all time cutest moments finally getting to slow dance with his "Cass-aaaaannnn-dra"

He does'nt have what it takes

But maybe he'll get it

Maybe some day

Til' then those are the breaks

So why should he sweat it?

{But try tell him that!}

He's got to learn to wait til' the time is right

He's got to know his heart before he starts to fight!!

And if anyone can pull it off

Young Hercules might!!

Don't call him half a man

He'll struggle day and night!

Just give him half a chance

He's gonna do all right

And maybe he'll do more than that

And maybe he'll do more than that

If anyone can pull it off -young Hercules might!


Aphrodesia Dance

from....... Hercules and the Dreamdate

The opening theme number to the Dream Date- one of the fan's top favorite eps for its originality and pure unadulterated wonkiness- is a quickie li'l disco number sung by the Muses.The lyrics were not as important as the amusing parade of little scenes they illustrate. {And by the way- in case you're wondering- Mr. Parenthesis steps in between Helen and Adonis with a 12 inch ruler....a nod to the old days when teachers made sure couples did'nt dance any closer than that!!!}

They're hanging the last decorations .......the punchbowl is filled to the brim.......everyone's manning their stations.............. the band is about to begin.....

APHRODESIA DANCE!!!!

Everybody..... gonna party tonight!!!

APHRODESIA DANCE!!!!

Are you ready- for the time of your life???

Tonight is the night- Cupid's in flight

Aiming his arrows of love

It's everyone's chance- to find new romance

Under the heavens above

Making your move while the music is groovin'

{Excuse me - I don't mean to pry!!??}

APHRODESIA DANCE!!!!

Everybody gonna party tonight!!!

APHRODESIA DANCE!!!!

Are you ready for the time of yer life??

APHRODESIA DANCE!!!!

It's a party starring the Goddess of Love!!!!

APHRODESIA DANCE!!!!

Gonna boogie

At the Aphrodesia Dance................ to-NIGHT!!!


The Man That I Love

from .......Hercules and The Year book

After a serious bout of flashback humiliations revisited in Herc's old Year Book, Megara soothes her hero's ego with a great li'l 50's style ballad and reminds him, just one more time, why he is the man that she loves.

 

You were awkward in highschool

A little unsure......... had a case of the "clumsies" that needed a cure

The most precious gems have their roots in the rough

Just like my Hero

The Man that I Love!

Made a number of blunders- But have'nt we all??

Still you always worked wonders ....with your back to the wall!!

Though I'm duly impressed with the fisticuff stuff...... it's just a small part of

The Man That I love!

There's been hits.....a few misses.... one or two "inbetweens"......a couple of kisses

{And some devilsh dreams!!!}

You've fought monsterous battles .........made some narrow escapes

But I'm much more in awe of your character traits

'Cause you're gentle and kind and you Never give up!

This is what makes you

The Man That I Love......

I thank Zeus..... for this gift....... from Olympus above...

My Number One Hero

The Man That I Love!!!!


You're My Hero

from...... Hercules and The Big Show

In The Big Show the gang is taken hostage during an interview on Merv Griffin's program by a jealous, surly Lord of the Dead bent on publicly humiliating his teen nemesis.....although inexplicably, Hades does sit still and allows Helen of Troy {Jodi Benson} to stand up and sing a truly beautiful little tune in adoring praise of Hercules....lol....pretty generous of him, don't ya think??

You have'nt always been the model of good taste

No....... you've never been the poster boy for grace!!

But it's natural.... to stumble and fall .....when you're trying to stand tall~

And I want you to know you're the light of my life....

You're my bright sunny day~you're my starry starry night

Because you're honest, loyal, and true............

You're My Hero............

Now no one's said you had the greatest fashion sense

Now and then you may have acted kinda dense

But you've found your way....... out of the dark and straight into my heart

And I want you to know you're the light if my life....

You're my bright sunny day~you're starry starry night

Because you're honest, loyal, and true........

You're my Hero............

Some times you struggle to impress the girls you like

It's never easy living up to high school height

But a demi-god's got a human side and a heart too big too hide

And I want you to know .........you're the light if my life....

You're my bright sunny day and my starry starry night!

Because you're honest, loyal, and true you're my Hero............

You're my Hero............


Screamin' Grecian Teenage Blues

 

In A Visit from Zeus the God father gets more than he bargained for when he changes himself into a vulnerable teenager for 24 hours in order to prove to his son that being an adolescent is super easy....a piece of cake. He changes his mind real fast.

There's reprocussions from the choice you chose!

Gotta watch yer back and stay on your toes

You shoulda listened to your young son's woes

Now you know what every teenager knows!!

It's hot as Hades honey, whenya can't use the power of Zeus!!

You've got the Screamin' Grecian Teenage

Awkward-in-Between-Age Blues!!!

You're used to doing anything you please

But as a mortal yer no Big Cheese

Here one earth yer just another target to tease

Ya havin' second thoughts now that yer feelin' the squeeze!!!

You don't need the Oracle of Delphi~to give you the news

You've got the Awkward in-Between-Age

Screamin' Grecian Teenage Blues!!!

 


The Baccanal

Comedian Dom Delouise got to sing this cute little calypso number with the Muses celebrating a wild bash that gets totally out of control on Phil's island-and teaches Herc a thing or two about popularity.

"Lend me your ears!!!!"

It's an open invitation!!!To the finest feast in Greece!!!

It's an awesome celebration........ guaranteed to disturb the peace!!!

It's a jammin' extravaganza!!!

With a heart-stoppin' conga beat!!!

You don't have to ask directions- No!! just follow your dancing feet!!!

{At the Baccanal- It's a nonstop party!!}

The biggest bash that Bacchus has ever thrown!!

People wall to wall!!! Gonna party hardy!!! We'll boogie to the beat

'Til the sheep come home!!!

Grab a scootch of grape at the fountain

Shake it up and slide down the mountain

.....Strike a pose so Everyone knows yer cool!!!

Grip those hips and join in the conga~

Steal a kiss -scream Cowabonga!!!! Moshpit Meltdown! Everyone in the pool!!

{Me First!!!}

{At the Baccanal- It's a nonstop party!!}

The biggest bash that Bacchus has ever thrown!!

People wall to wall!!! Gonna party hardy!!!

You're sure to have a ball at the Bacchanal!!!!


That's How the Story Goes

In the Return of Typhon minstral Hermes entertains the crowd on Titan Smitin' Day with a rousing Western ballad telling the tale of Zeus'es mighty victory over his smelly, fleabitten foe!!

When Athens was barely a dot on the map

On the edge of a new frontier

Destiny called on a dapper young cat

With a battle that made his career!

He was buff -he was tuff- he was armed to the teeth!

Kept on fearlessly frying his foes.....

Packin' plenty of punch in his thunderbolt sheath

Yeah! That's How the Story Goes!!!!

A terrible titan stepped onto the scene

Tried to carve out a niche of his own

His brutal attackin' , sent everyone packin'

And Zeus had to face him alone!!!

Smelled like limberger cheese-{ he was covered with fleas!}

From his rattlesnake knees to his toes

He could topple Olympus with One little sneeze

Yeah!!! That's How the Story Goes!!!!

Now Zeus did'nt worry......he let loose a flurry

That left Typhon buried and crushed

And so it was written~that titan was smitten

He'd finally "bitten the dust!!!!"

That beast had blown by one god on his own

While striking this masterful pose

And the legend was born....on that fateful morn.......

That's How The Story Goes..........YEAH!!!!!

That's.... How....... The ......Story ..........Goes!!!!


{and....now...Just for fun...........}

~Oedipus Rex~

By Tom Lehrer

Obviously there were some myths that not even Disney's Hercules could touch with a ten foot spear.....for example, the infamous tale of Oedipus Rex, the tragic prince who unwittingly kills his own father, marries his own mother, sires his own siblings {eewwww!!!!......} and blinds himself in penance, wandering around the countryside praying for death. Tom Lehrer, a Harvard mathematician who wrote and produced several very successful singing comedy albums back in the 1960's was the "Weird Al" of his time and growing up with his out-of -whack humour is one reason we enjoy the Herc series so much today. This song, written by Tom Lehrer about Oedipus Rex has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the Disney Herc show....but sure sounds like it could have!!!


From the Bible to the popular song

There's one theme that we find all along

Of all the ideas that they hail as Good

The most sublime is.... "Motherhood!"

There was a man,who, though it seems

Once carried this idea to extremes

He loved his mother and she loved him~

And yet his story...... is rather grim

There once lived a man named Oedipus Rex

You may have heard about his.... odd complex

His name appears in Freud's index

Because he...... Loved his mother!

His rivals used to say quite a bit~

That as a monarch he was quite unfit~

But still and all ~they had to admit~

That he....... Loved his mother!!

He loved his mother like no other

His daughter was his sister{ and his son was his brother!}

One thing on which you can depend is~

{He sure knew who a boy's best friend is!}

When he found what he had done

He tore his eyes out one by one~

A tragic end to a loyal son- who Loved his mother!!!

So be sweet and kind to Mother....... now and then have a chat~

Buy her flowers ...or some candy .......or a nice new hat~

{But I think you had maybe just let it go at that}

Or you might end up with a Quite complex...... Complex!

You might wind up like Oedipus {I'd rather marry a duckbilled platypus}

Than end up like Old Oedipus Rex!!!!!!!!

 


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