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Icarus Has New Winged Dream

Dateline:

Reporting

Athens
Tedkopolous

Interview Transcript:

T. Icarus, whose first attempt to fly, did'nt lack, shall we say, for solar flare..... is at it again.....and he's about to take it to even greater heights.

I. That's right Baby!!!...You see, Ted.....if I may call you Ted...after some deep probing research and a heck of a lot of mulling and scratching this really annoying cut I got yesterday......I FOUND OUT WHERE I WENT WRONG.... OH YES!!!!!

T. You mean you found the flaw in your original design?

I. You mean the wings?? oh right..... that too.....but I was talking about my recipe for cream-of-lamb moussaka. Was'nt going good Ted......not good at all....people dropping like flies...... bad blood all around....

T. Yes..well....that's nice...... but we're here to talk about your flight expertise.

I. Huh???

T. The wings? the famous wings your father designed???

I. Oh yes!!! Dadalous'es "Masterpiece!!!"

T. I don't know if I'd call them that.......

I. Well.........maybe they did need a little fine tuning.........but really people make a lot more out of them falling apart than nessessary. The basic idea was good.....And I did survive.

T. But after your first flight you did suffer some ill effects.....?

I. By flying into the sun??????? Aw.......just knocked some sense into me, Ted...that's all. Oh yes.... the red eye is a bit..... "off the menu" but it sure is a babe magnet!!! You can ask my sweet little puff pastry, Cas-Saaaaan-dra.

T. I did. She began to spit at me.

I. DOES THAT TO ME TOO, TED.......it's just her way, the sexy little devil.

T. OK, well, getting back to that flight....... after you crashed the first time.......

I. You know what my bestest buddy Hercules says to me?....... that is, when he's not saying "Icarus STOP That!!!!" {....says it kinda often, too....three times this morning........} ya know....just between you and me....I think that lad's in a bit of a rut.....

T. So what does he say?

I. What?

T. Hercules.

I. Who?

T. Hercules!!!

I. Sorry, you just missed him. He and Phil are going out to-

T. What does Hercules often say to You!!??!

I. Oh, Lotsa stuff......."You're not gonna Eat that"......"I don't think that's Legal"............"those arrows are gonna Kill you"......."hey that's Never gonna fit in there"........"Boy is That gonna hurt"......oh...... and "If you fall off a horse- get right back on......"

T. Did you ever.......

I. Did I what?? fall off a horse?

T. Ummm...

I. Well first I had to find a horse. That part was hard....... the falling off part was easy, though.

T. Look...I'm confused....does Any of this have anything to do with the wings???........Did any of this this help you find a new way to fly??"

I. No, but it stopped Herc from going on about horse falling .....ya know I wonder about him sometimes?"

T. OK .......I'm going to have a glass of water and we'll start over again.

I. Wanna try my cream-of-lamb moussaka?

T. NO!!!- I want to stay on the subject and get to heart of your flight theories.....

I. What flight theories?

T. Well .......I.... I....umm.......I'm assuming .....you have lots of complicated..... sophisticated... mathematical ......equations of motion and gravity?? involving lift and air speed and thrust......?..that the wings were based on..?... so as to facilitate getting up and staying in the air and all that?????......

I. Damn......

T. "Um........Ladies and Gentlemen........ I think we've found the flaw in the original design. There were'nt any flight theories."

I."Bingo!"

T. "and.....you Don't spend months and months in painful arduous research??

I. Don't believe in it Ted......not how we operate....

T. But you must go back to the drawing board to improve things....how else will you eventually succeed???

I. Well........after that first Really big crash we did decide to replace the bee's wax. It could'nt.....it did'nt .........well, as Hades might say....... it did not possess "robust applications."

T. Huh??

I. It was'nt workin' real good.

T. You mean it melted too fast???

I. "Yes...well.....exactly......."Melt" is kindov a ...."red flag" word in our game........it's our biggest obstacle. We had to find a better bonding agent........Besides.....it's VERY hard to get your hands on beeswax. You ever try to milk a bee?????

T. Oh, well, no..... actually ....

I. *Very* hard on the eyes..... And the bee.

T. Actually ...not to get off the subject but..... I've always wanted to ask you .....what Were bees doing in a Labyrinthe??? how did Dadalous get his hands on a bunch of bees while he was in prison??

I. There....... are many strings.........to his bow.....

T. Huh.......?

I. Exactly.

T............Yes...yes...well........you know ....I'm getting the feeling I'm not getting anywhere here.....{ sigh } What are your plans after graduation??

I. To eat twice my weight in popcorn shrimp and survive!!!!!

T. No...I meant...in the future...what do you plan to do with your life???......assuming you survive the shrimp?

I. Oh, that's all all taken care of!!! We graduate- I'm going into business with my Dadalous and marrying my sweet hot buttered love puppet, Cass-Saaaaaaan-dra. We're going to have six kids!!!

T. Is "Cass-Saaaaaaan-dra" in on this plan??

I. Of course she is!! she's Crazy about me!!!

T. Yes........well, there seems to be .....a general collective opinion around school that your pairing with Cassandra is....somewhat.... one-sided. Would you describe your relationship as ....healthy???

I. I guess you could say at the moment....it's in flux......has it's ups and downs. But she's coming around slowly, but surely.

T. How do you know??

I. Oh.... a guy like me can tell certain things about women....the unspoken clues......the long sideways glances........the silences that mean more than words.......Plus they just lowered the restraining order to 35 feet. You just know she wants me!

T. Yes......oh well, you're a shoo- in!! Yeah.... OK....I guess this concludes our little interview today- and I want to thank you for your time....although I have to say after talking to you I have this feeling I actually know less now than I did 20 minutes ago....

I. You know I get that a lot??

T. Yes... I can see why......well thanks again......and good luck on all your future endeavors........you're, uh........gonna need it......

End Transcript

 

Text Contributed by Magpie 69

 


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