Badda bing BaddaBoom and WELCOME!!!

........To the HADES Show!!!!

....and Welcome..... to our opening night debut....and we're thrilled to see ya here on the only program that dares to ask the musical question...........

"Why am I not doing this on top of Mt. Olympus??!!!????"

YES Sir !!! It's "The" Hades Show!!!!!!!!Starring ....ME!!! Produced by... ME!!!!! Directed by.... Me!!!!!...and....well, Need I go on??? .....thank you.... thankyou........and let's not forget all the little people who made this show possible.......Pain and Panic are filling in as key grips, ushers, and washroom attendants .......and let's have a big round of applause for the inhouse Hades Show Orchestra......{we were gonna get Orpheus as our house band leader but he's too busy ......De-composing!}HA!! get it?????..get it??? hmmmmm...Hey.....well anyhoo.......glad to see yer all here....hmmm........is everybody getting ready for the holidays??? Saturnalia's right around the corner,ya know....ah memories..... I remember when I was a little god we always had a great big roast octopus every year at Saturnalia.......didn't taste like much.... but everybody got a leg!!!!.Huh?? huh??? get it?? everybody gotta -oh never mind.......Hey!!!is there anybody here from Knossos??? anybody??? HA!!!!!!Great town... great town!!!!..say.....what did Zeus always tell Bacchus when he was a kid ........STOP THAT WINING!!!!! HA!!!.......hmmm...hey....yer gonna love this one....what does Cleopatra put behind her ears to attract guys??? Her Ankles!!!!! HA!!!!.........get it?? get it???.......huh?? pretty good, eh,??

...What are you people...DEAD????....{oh yeah..... I forgot}...what is this, an audience or a mosaic???.....I know you're out there, I can hear you ROTTING!!! Hey, how about this one, didya hear about Mickey Mouse getting divorced??? No, it's true!! He goes to the lawyer and gives 'em the papers, see, and the lawyer says, "Mr. Mouse I'm sorry to see you're divorcing your wife on the grounds of mental incompetance." And Mick says, "I'm not divorcing her for mental incompetance, I said she was F***ing Goofy!!!!"

........OK, well, Baddabing...anyhoo....on with the show.....it's our opening night...and ALL this week... our theme is *Love in The Ancient World.....Can this Relationship be Saved???????* and tonight we have some VERY special mythic guests who have graciously consented to share their stories with our studio audience ........and let me tell you yer in for a Special treat 'cause yer gonna meet the guy so totally buff he actually starved himself to death just watching his own reflection ...{and yer not gonna Believe his story}....... I give you the guy who invented "Drop Dead Gorgeous" ......and the Nymph who adored him .......and we're here to see if love means never having to repeat yerself -so put yer ....{whatever it is you've got} together..... and Give It Up for.....

Narcissus........ and Echo!!!!

{Thunderous Applause and Mindless Hooting}


A frail sad young maiden appears followed by Pain holding a potted narcissus flower.

Hades reaches over to her and plants an air kiss on her pale cheek

 

Hades...Hey Babe, Welcome to the show!

Echoe....Hey Babe, welcome to the show!

Hades.... No, I mean -really Babe- I'm glad you could make it...

Echoe....No, I mean- really Babe- I'm glad you could make it....

Hades....Whoa.... OK- you can stop with the repeating bit now-

Echoe....Whoa..... OK- you can stop with the repeating bit now-

Hades.... Oh I see.. Riggghhht.......Echoe ...cute....well this is gonna be a real clam bake. Let's attack this from a different angle........Where's your boyfriend??

Echoe ..... Where's your boyfriend??

Panic....Sir, if I may interrupt he's right here........

Hades .... Where??

Panic.....Right here, Sir. The narcissus, Sir.

Hades ... What??! Huh?? Whaddya mean... narcissus??

Echoe....Narcissus!!!!!Narcissus!!!!!Narcissus!!!!!

Hades...Yeah, Sweet Cheeks, I said that already.........

Panic ... uh....as I was saying.....it's a plant Sir, a flowering spring bulb of the Amaryllidaceae family related to the daffodil that blooms early in-

Hades......I KNOW- what- a "Narcissus" is..... thankyou!! OY VEY!!!!!!...What's it doing here!????

Panic...Well.... this is ............Him, Sir...it's what he got turned into......... He kept looking at his own reflection until he wasted away and turned into a narcissus.

Echoe....Narcissus!!!!

Hades....He got turned into a "narcissus?!!??" Why doe'snt anybody ever Tell me these things??!!!

Pain{to Panic}...Ya know.... we really should update the data base more often........

Echo...More often!!!

Hades....YOU......................... MORONS!!!!! Opening night and you book a house plant and some co- dependent broad who can't string two words together???!!!!?????

Pain-....well Sir, you said get a couple of real characters with real problems........

Hades...Oh I know a couple of Real characters who are gonna have Real problems in about TWO seconds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You ....."IDIOTS!!!!!!"

Echoe...Idiots!!!!!

{Hades erupts into large blast...eyelashes are singed in what will be Brittania....}

 

Hades....Ok...OK look here- can we get this guy changed back just for the duration of the show??

{Zaps plant-a gorgeous young man appears }

 

Hades...Oy- that's better...... Narsissus??? how you doin' Babe???? can I call you "Narcy", Babe? Welcome to the Hades Show!!!!

Echo...Welcome to the Hades Show!!!Welcome to the Hades Show!!!Welcome to the Hades Show!!!

Hades...Hey You!!!! ...."Toys- in-the-Attic" .......ya wanna give it a Rest?!!????

Narcissus....Arrrgghh!!!!!!where Am I?????

Hades...You're on Tartarus Vision, Babe, doin' The Hades Show!

Echo...Doin' the Hades Show!!!!!...Doin' the Hades Show!!!!!...Doin' the Hades Show!!!!!...Doin' the Hades Show!!!!!...Doin' the Hades Show!!!!!

Narcissus...uh....is there an echoe in here????

Hades...Unfortunately, Yes........can someone shut this broad UP????

Echo-...Shut this broad Up????Shut this broad Up????Shut this broad Up????

 

{Hades firezaps a gag around Echoe's mouth}

 

Hades...Oy- that's better!
Narcissus-...oh...so I'm on a show ????...Thank gods!!...Eww........I thought you were my reflection for a moment!!!!

Hades ... Ya know..... in the interest of quality programming .......I'll ignore that remark..... So... how you doin', Babe????

Narcissus...Do you have a mirror??

Hades-...Uh.... yeah..... Panic!!!! Get this guy a mirror will ya?

 

{Panic fetches a mirror}

 

Narcissus...Oh thank you- that's much better than looking into the water's surface. A perfect image!! I'm even cuter than I thought I was!!!

Hades-...Ok, well, glad yer happy............ how are you feeling??

Narcissus...Fine...... how do I look?????????

Hades.....You look ...Ok ...........for a mortal..... I guess.......uh..so....what we wanted to ask you is....

Narcissus...Actually do you like my hair parted better on the side or just all fluffed up??????

Hades{rolling his eyes}...Fluffed up is fine....Fine!!!.. yer gorgeous- yer one in a million...yer too sexy for yer chiton... now On with the interview........ ya know, what our audience wants to hear about is how you and Echo wound up in yer... unique little predicament............I understand Hera put a curse on the little woman cause she kept Blabbering away while that hound Zeus was playing nude leap frog with about 25 water nymphs behind her back again................HA!!!...........and they call ME the sleazebag??? Go Figure!!!

Narcissus...Do you think I should grow a beard?????

Hades........Uh ...yeah sure why Not???? ...now.........getting back to your story Babe....

Narcissus....I'm just afraid it would cover up this perfect jawline........on the other hand..my hair is so beautifully thick and curly it would be a shame not to grow one.......

 

Hades....ummmm......Can we cut to the chase here??? Fossils are forming, Babe.....

Narcissus ....I know- I know-..it's just that I want to look as great as can for all the little people out there who want to see me at my best....it would be such a shame to disappoint them.....

Hades..Ya know...you remind me of someone I know.....that kid at Pro Ac...the blonde jerk with the big chin.....

Narcissus...I could just grow a mustache- but that's not in fashion here-

Hades ... Yeahhh........ya know.......no offense, Babe, but when they were handing out personalities you musta been takin' a whiz.....

Echoe....Takin' a whiz!!!!!!Takin' a whiz!!!!!!Takin' a whiz!!!!!!

Pain... Her gag came off, Sir.

Hades......Well.... PUT... IT... BACK.... "ON!!!!!!!"

Narcissus... well ....I guess what I can do is just be this way for now......and grow a goatee in time for my next guest shot on your show........Hmmm....gives me time to buy a whole new wardrobe, too...

Hades ..."Next Guest Shot On My Show??!!?" uh.........Hot News Flash, Babe.........the possibility of that happening is waiting for You on the corner of Fat and Chance......

Narcissus.....Hmmmm.........In your honest opinion.....do you think I was prettier as a man or a flower ????

Echoe...Flower!!!!!

Hades...Narcy, Babe, in my honest opinion, you've been standing in fertilizer too long ....and I think this interview's at an end. In fact... now that I've met you two yawn factories I've come to the conclusion that you deserve each other- and I'm gonna fix it so's you two can be happy through Eternity.........

{Hades firezaps Narcissus back into the flower that bears his name}

Hades...There!! That takes care of you -ya boring Yutz- and now for Miss Congeniality over here-

{Firezaps Echoe into a bumble bee, who promptly flies over and buries herself in the depths of the flower.}

Hades...Baddabing!!! Pain!! Panic!! you two plant this guy back next to the pond you found him by and Everybodys happy!!!!

Panic ... Why Sir- that was an incredibly classy and charitable move on your part- if I may be so bold to say so.......

Hades..You may .....you may......of course..... there's the little matter of who booked who for this show tonight..................I think we need to call an Emergency Production meeting.....with just the four of us.....

Panic...Meeting?? this late?? Now????? the four of us???

Hades.....yes, the Four of us...........you two........Me..... and this sharpened stylus............

 

Hades Show #2 - The Arachne Interview

Cut to "next week's"Promos............

 

 

................meanwhile......... hiding out in the audience...two Pro Ac students keep an eye on the proceedings....

 

"What's that guy up to???? we have to find out........hmmmm....I know!!!!!...... we can sneak into the studio disguised as technicians....I'll be Head Gaffer and you can be my "Best Boy...."
 
 "Oh no you Don't- I'm not falling for that again!!!!!"
 

All Hercules art imagery copyright Walt Disney Co....Artwork byTracey Pierce..."Echoe" courtesy of Sara Rase

 


Home | Intro | Episodes and Reviews |Character Pages|Show Info|| Fan Art| | Ickstravaganza! |The Hades Show 
Disclaimer